How to stop yourself from spitting at art.

Modern art is what happens when you let the middle class run the country: Question: How dumb do you have to be to think you’re not an artist? ‘Due to a technical glitch, we have been unable to think of an answer.’ Only really, really, great artists resort to blowing their brains out when an artwork really, really flops. ‘I’m really, really beginning to see how really, really, ill, really, really, great artists are, and I’m finding it really, really upsetting.’

She was too busy always talking about what she wanted to do to actually do any of it. The bread dough reminded her of Santa Clause’s belly. The tart lemonade quenched her thirst, but not her longing. As the rental car rolled to a stop on the dark road, her fear increased by the moment. The external scars tell only part of the story. His ultimate dream fantasy consisted of being content and sleeping eight hours in a row. Her hair was windswept as she rode in the black convertible. He swore he just saw his sushi move. As he dangled from the rope deep inside the cravase he hoped his teammates remembered the emergency skills he taught them days before. He had decided to accept his fate of accepting his fate. The fog was so dense even a laser decided it wasn’t worth the effort. The manager of the fruit stand always sat and only sold vegetables. Don’t piss in my garden and tell me you’re trying to help my plants grow. Your girlfriend bought your favorite cookie crisp cereal but forgot to get milk. This is a Japanese doll. Please put on these earmuffs because I can’t you hear. He’s in a boy band which doesn’t make much sense for a snake.

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Francis is an Australian born artist, illustrator and musician.