HOW TO TRAIN AN ARTIST ALERT: Train them to be as interested in art as dogs are in pee, and as nosey.
The learned feel the agony of art; the not so learned feel its benign pleasure.
The picture plane is an imaginary image plane coextensive with the flat two-dimensional painting surface. ‘Unlike the flat two-dimensional plane of your picture brain, mate.’
Nature is a visual whore, and artists its pimps. ‘That’s giving art the hard sell.’
Oil paint slow dries emotions and out-dries even the most resilient artists.
There are more artists alive today than there were in heaven yesterday. ‘That’s because they have run out of virgins in heaven!’
If your private views turn ugly, try stripping naked to defuse the situation. ‘If you think defusing tricky situations is a good idea, you should put your bloody clothes back on, mate!’
Routinely go back to the drawing board, the easel, the canvas, and the stove, and come up with a new way of cooking it.
Instead of working directly from photographs, work from loosely executed drawings you make from photographs. ‘I feel sorry for you twice, once for having to take photographs, and once for the heck of it.’
There is no more solitary a journey, no more unknown a destination, no more intriguing a path than the art journey itself. ‘That makes me reminisce about my not-arriving-to-school days.’