THE ARTS ALGORITHM

And my art algorithm goes like this…PURPOSE ALERT: The highest purpose of art is to keep the positive energy of the universe flowing. ‘Purpose has never sounded so like energy laundering!’ A life not given up to a creative purpose is a life spent being knocked backwards. ‘You do know that “backwards” is the new“forwards”, don’t ya?’ Art serves no purpose so that man may find in it his purpose. ‘Sounds like you have been repurposed, mate!’ ROLE PLAYING ALERT: The role of an artist is to be an observer, their duty to be open-minded, and their obligation to feel and think, but in practice, it doesn’t necessarily go in that order: Every artist plugs a creative hole that’s leaking: An artist’s duty is to keep smiling when on seeing their art everyone else starts weeping: Artists are dead set on proving they are missing links and knowing that true ‘missing links’ have at least one link missing, they often hang upside down from their studio ceilings while taking unprovoked great white shark-like bites out of toothpaste and peanut ‘nutter’ sandwiches: The objective of art is to knock down walls that are not upholding the dignity of paintings:The job of an artist is to become more like an artist, and more like their mysteries: The hope invested in art is that one day the need for rational thingies becomes a thing of the past, and the conversation of life is led by people who see and imagine thingies and not by those who believe in the certainty of thingies: The goal of art is to tear the past apart as if only Sellotape held it together. BLACK ALERT: Black absorbs all light; it is the absence of colour: Using black in your paintings will create optically ‘dead’ areas, and disrupt the balance and harmony of colour, so ban it from your palette: To darken or make a colour more neutral, don’t add black, add a spot of its complementary colour (See Page 73): Black can be mixed from the three primary colours and complementary colours such as red and green: Blue and brown also make a rich black. ‘In my neighbourhood, black and blue make bruise, mate!’Pearl-like coloured greys can be made by combining two complementary colours and adding a touch of white (complimentary grey); alternatively, you can blend the three primary colours (primary grey) and add a touch of white. ‘If you is pearl-like, you is white, dude!’ Shadows are not black; they are full of reflected light and colour: The Impressionists believed that every primary colour had in its shadow a complementary colour and did not recognise the existence of black in Nature: Impressionism is a nineteenth-century art movement concerned with the general impression of a scene or object. ‘The Impressionists were also a self-impressed bunch of snobs.’ GREAT ART: That consciousness of higher beauty; that proof only a true artist could have made it; that energy just spent wisely – it’s that complicated; that always coincident with great human beings, ‘people are always less human after they look at my art!’; that something as dangerous to the soul as the Sydney funnel-web spider’s bite is to the flesh; that not what the public cannot fault, but what its creators fault, ‘sounds like it’s always somebody else’s fault!’; that something just done properly – case closed, ‘we’re in the middle of a drought and you’re talking about closing the case!’ COPYING ALERT: Imitation is a path to mastery: Copy an Old Master drawing and then draw from life; copy an Old Master drawing and then draw from life; copy an Old Master drawing and then draw from life…! ‘You’ve got an awful stammer, mate!’ Suck the teat of your favourite artists and your art will come by itself. ‘Hey Joey, whoever inspired your mother to have you, must have sucked teat in the pouch of a half-kangaroo.THE SECRET LIVES OF BRUSHES ALERT: Brushes hold their memories tightly until the imperative for dreaming arrives and hope is pressed and granted release against the drum of the canvas. ‘Brushes must have serious guilt issues.’ Rembrandt van Rijn instructed a hesitant student to pick up his brushes and begin: Rembrandt van Rijn was a Dutch painter & seventeenth-century plastic surgeon famous for botched facelifts, and who gave it all up to stare a lot (1606 – 1669): Artists paint with brushes because they have a fetish for longer arms. ‘And, because they have a fetish for standing with one arm outstretched at a 90-degree angle in front of them.’ Paintings are loaded brushes and loaded questions. ‘And a load of rubbish.’ Come out with your brushes up – you’re surrounded by mediocre artists: Painters may be larrikins, but they have their brushes in the right place. ‘You’re a very positive mental health worker.’……… Buy the book in USA Buy the book in UK Buy the book in AU